What I have learned about human behavior is that we trust machine more sometimes than we do our own intuition and we are the ones that built these machines.  I have been with healers who can run their hands over me and tell me more about myself than any diagnostic tool available. When I share this with some people they find that hard to believe yet if I sit them in front of a machine and the machine states the same thing, they believe it…..amazing.

In the last few years I have been studying  a form of iridology(study of the human eye).  Originally iridology determined physical characteristics and has been used for years.  In the early 1970’s, Denny Johnson developed the Rayid Eye interpretation system that took iridology and related it to emotional and personality identification.  He has done extensive work with birthing order and how it ties in with eye patterns also.  His work is amazingly accurate and has it’s roots in Jungian archetypal philosophy.

I am working with my friend Jimmy who is a Doctor of Chinese Medicine and Acupuncturist in determining how we can use the Rayid Model in our respective professions.  As always, both Jimmy and I are our own lab subjects before we work with our clients.  My work with the Rayid system has already been life changing.

On my journey, I have done considerable emotional and spiritual work.  This work is changing me at levels I have not allowed myself to change to date.  Last week I had a discussion with my father that I have not been able to have with him EVER and was able to set some boundaries and love him as an adult as well as a father. 

I have always heard that the eyes are the window to the soul and I have just found my window and I will let you know what I see.

This week I turned 55 years old and for some reason that song has been playing in my head for weeks.  I knew when my birthday came I would have to write about it……I just wasn’t clear about what it meant for me.  I am not a fast driver and I surely don’t have a Ferrari…..yet.  What I can relate to is being stuck sometimes and really wanting to move forward. 

All indications point to a big change happing this year for me.  My horoscope for a while has been talking about entering into a different phase of my life that I have been holding onto for a number of years.  The frustrating part is that I am the one doing the holding AND I am the one who wants the change.  What I tweeted today was “Change is the perfect paradox” and I really believe that.  I find myself in this place a lot these days and I know when I do, I am changing in a big way.

So I realize birthdays are just another day in my journey and they are also markers.  I think that is what 2012 is also about in a lot of ways.  It is a marker to all of us that this is an auspicious time to move forward, to evolve, and to grow. This time is all about creating new beginnings and shedding what no longer serves me and embracing the next chapter in my life.

So far what I have found to be true for me in 2012 is that change is my only constant, fear is my teacher, and love can heal when I make that choice.  “The love you make is equal to the love you take”….lyrics.

My life is a parallel between human behavior and music.  Feedback out of control can be quite annoying but some nice feedback at the right times can enhance the music exponentially.  I find this true in my life also.  When my daughter Kelsey asks for “advice” I tell her, “I don’t give advice although I have some feedback if you would like.”  Seems like semantics, yet it is not.

Feedback is just like it sounds, I am feeding back to the person I am listening to what I heard so I can get clarity on what they are saying.  It also gives them the gift of being heard…… a small yet powerful gift.  Feedback in relationships can get out of control just like in music.  Sometimes I use the term feedback as a thinly veiled attempt to fix someone.  They know it and I know it.

What I have found lately is that the hardest feedback I hear is from me.  I can be so hard on myself and the feedback I give myself can be so critical at times.  I am working on changing that.  I have a choice everyday to give myself all kinds of feedback and what I am choosing is to make that feedback nurturing, compassionate, and kind. 

Interestingly enough, the kinder I am to myself, the kinder I am to others, and the kinder they are to me.  It amazes me how simple life can be when I stay in my heart.  I wonder what feedback Jimi was looking for.

Colten is 7 years old and has cerebral palsy, yet you would never know that by his attitude.  He loves life, horses, music, his grandfather and most of all he LOVES The Rafters.  He has memorized all of our songs and even has his favorites.  Colten loves to sing and he sings with more passion than anyone I have seen.  He has never met a microphone that he doesn’t like.  He will sing you his favorite song in a heartbeat and LOVES to sing with grandfather. To see them sing together is a true heartwarming experience.

This past week I had a session with Kay Vogel who is a colorpuncturist, coach, and gifted healer.  She was running a test for me on her GDV machine that measures physical as well as emotional status.  Physically I was great and emotionally I had some real issues.  Long story short my work is to do the things in life that make me happy….. that even showed up in my horoscope this year.  My first reaction was to minimize this feedback because it would not be the responsible thing to do.  If the advise was to focus more on my coaching, or work on my relationship with my father I would not have blinked and eye…..just done it……but do the things in life that make me happy……I was already feeling the guilt.

What does this have to do with Colten?  Everything.   Everyday he wakes up and does what makes him happy.  He sings everyday and could care less if it’s in tune because he is happy.  He grabs the mic when David sets up his DJ setup and asks everyone if they are having fun……because he is.  When our band plays he dances right in front of us and sings every song word for word and could care less who is watching or what they are saying….because he is having a BLAST.

So Colten asked, now that he has his new guitar, if he could become a member of the Rafters and we are going to make him a member….because that makes ME happy.  Thank you Colten.

Ron Artest legally changed his name this year to Metta World Peace.  Metta, a Buddhist word meaning “loving kindness” and world peace speaks for itself.  Part of his thinking was that people might be positively affected by using the term “world peace”. How many times do you think you hear “world peace” at a Lakers game now?….. I think it was a stroke of genius.

I firmly believe that our words carry a certain energy and it has been proven by Dr. Masaru Emoto that when he placed certain words on petry dishes filled with water and later took microscopic pictures of the water crystals, they reflected the energy of the words on the dish.  In other words, when he placed “hate” on a dish the crystal was malformed and nasty looking while the dish that had “love” or “peace” on it, the crystal was beautifully symmetric and looked as if it came from a Hallmark card.

So if this holds true, and a celebrity such as World Peace puts those two words out there multiple times a day, maybe just maybe, it can make a difference.  I am not suggesting that we all change our names to “world peace” or “love” or “compassion” , although it could be a very interesting proposition.  What I am suggesting is for us all to look at what words we use and how we use them.  When I read about this name change it really hit me to take a hard look at my language.

It could be easily dismissed as just “semantics” yet I feel there is more to it than that.  I know I get lazy with my words sometimes and make comments or use phrases that do not match up with how I want to live my life.  On the other hand, you might find a few surprises, like I have with my name……Stanhope.  So do you think my journey has to do something with hope?

So what would your name be if your could rename yourself with your mission?…….that is an idea that it is easy for me to be at peace with.

I have been fascinated with 2012 ever since I heard about it years ago.  I am fascinated with how a time in my life is so studied and so controversial.  I have friends that have moved “off the grid” and are determined that a cataclysmic event will occur and they are getting ready and I have friends that think 2012 is simply the year after 2011.  I fall somewhere in between.

What I have felt since the beginning of the year is a different type of energy and one that seems to be amping up change at an accelerated clip.  When I look back in history there are times where certain events shaped history more than others.  I feel that this is one of those times that we are going through.

I have always been a believer in manifesting and what I am noticing now is that manifesting seems to be coming stronger, quicker, and without filters.  What I mean by that is that if I focus on something, it just seems to happen.  Without focus, the changes can be very challenging and sometimes appear to be random but what I think is really happening is that in the absence certain filters that have been removed, changes are coming more freely from my unconscious so they appear random.

So with that in mind, it is becoming increasingly important that I spend time meditating, and creating the reality that I want CONSISTENTLY.  That is my challenge this year.  Like the saying “there are no atheist in foxholes”, I want to create a consistent practice so I can be open to change not only when I need it but also when it appears to come from nowhere……… a random thought?

When I first heard about 2012, all I heard about was how we were going to have this cataclysmic event that was going to be apocalyptic in nature and could possibly end civilization as we know it.  Not knowing the future, all any of us can do is to share with what we THINK may happen.  As we draw closer to this special day in December of 2012, I am believing more and more this is not about a cataclysmic event but more about a change in our energy and the consequences to how we live our lives.

If there is going to be any major event happening, I think it will come from a place of love and light vs. darkness and horror.  I do believe that what is happening is that we are becoming more accountable on multiple levels on how we live our lives and how we treat our planet.  I also believe that wars and greed are on their way out and they are being replaced with connection, community, compassion and sharing. 

One thing I know for sure is that I cannot change or fix this world myself.  What I can change is how I live my life every day and how I can send loving energy out to this world.  That I can affect.  I also believe that people like me are growing at record numbers in this world and people are tired of the greed, the fighting, and the old ways of thinking.  Our own soldiers are the biggest proponents of a new way and more and more people are waking up each day and becoming more conscious and mindful about where we are and where we want to go.

It’s like my astrologer said, “There is nothing in the planetary alignments that support this doom and gloom.  What is supported is love and joy and amazing opportunities for healthy change.”  As I have said before, “If you think you can or if you think you can’t, you are correct.”

I think we can…….in fact, I know we can, and I am ready.  Happy New Years !

So what happens when other people want a change that I am not ready for or the change is someone else’s idea that affects me?  Plain and simple, it just doesn’t work for me. So yes, I am rigid.  I learned a long time ago that just because I am creative, flexible, and adaptive….I am also rigid.  Welcome one of the many paradoxes of my life.

This Christmas season my daughter got married and we had our second Christmas at our house.  What that means is lots of guests at one time.  Our new house has a lot of space, but not a lot of bedrooms.  I have dealt with guest (mainly our kids) on a rotation schedule with over flow going to the living room on nice blow up mattress beds.  This has worked so far but we found out this year that we need to make some adjustments.

So this Christmas what I found out was that I had a lot of changes that were happening that weren’t my idea.  I found out how rigid I could be and found out that I don’t like that part of me.  I do realize that that part of me has served me in the past and has helped me keep safe and I honor it.  I also honor the part of me that is willing to look at some of this change.  This is hard for me.  I have to give up control and have more faith. 

This is my journey in 2012 and beyond.  I want my first answer to be yes, I want to be open to change that affects me and is not my idea, and I want to be open minded.  I also want to have compassion for the part of me that controls out of fear, holds rigid my ideas because they are mine, and says no because I just don’t want to.  I guess what I am saying is that I want the flexibility to be rigid and to be rigid about my flexibility……I love paradoxes.

Thank you for taking time each week to read my blogs and take this journey with me. I wish each of you a wonderful and blessed New Years.

I have had a lot of Christmas rituals in my life.  I started out with the all American Christmas when I was a kid complete with Santa Claus, a Christmas eve church service, a one-package opening after church, and an abundance of gifts on Christmas morning.  I was very blessed growing up.  When I had my own family and became “Santa’s helper” they looked a lot like the Christmases I grew up with.  When I got divorced they continued to look the same except now I either got the kids on Christmas eve/morning or they came over Christmas day.  My girls were older so Santa was in our hearts not necessarily in our chimney.  I added a few rituals and twists but we were on the same track.

When MP and I started to date we still kept our Christmases separate and equal.  She still had Christmas with her ex and kids and I had my kids.  We would convene after everyone had left and have our own special Christmas.  The Christmas Eve services still included my mother and my brother and his family.

About 3 or 4 years ago, MPs parents started to come for Christmas and that added a new wrinkle, yet we still had the ritual of “separate and equal”.  She would have her Christmas with her family and I with mine.  We did however start adding a new ritual of a Christmas Eve dinner party with friends.  That was new because all Christmases for me had been family only.

Last year we had our first blended family Christmas as MP and I live together and had her parents here also.  Even though we were nervous at the time, it turned out beautiful.  There were rituals that I missed and there were new rituals forming.  Emilio (MPs son) and I took turns giving out presents and we all had fun.

This year we have no parents and Madison is leaving early Christmas morning for Malaysia so this will be the first year ever that I have not celebrated Christmas on Christmas Day with both of my daughters.  Also MP is spearheading a Christmas Eve Party and Isabel is stepping into her inner chef and taking some leadership in creating a tapas meal.  We will have Madison’s Christmas on Christmas Eve and we will still all open one gift.  MP wants to go to midnight mass and Kelsey and I are playing that one by ear.  Christmas will look similar except we are adding more people to our family each year and it keeps morphing into a celebration that seems to be different and wonderful each year.

What I realize this year is that how blessed I am and how blessed I have ALWAYS been around Christmas.  The faces, the places and the events may change but the love, connection, and the joy at Christmas is always there…….and this year we have a chimney.  HO! HO! HO!

 The first question was when I was asked by Father Don Neumann at the wedding …. “Who gives this woman away in matrimony?” and I replied “I do.”  I then gave Madison to Andy and they said their vows to which both Andy and Madison said “I do” to the question of whether they take this man or woman to be their lawfully wedded spouse.  In those moments, life as we know it changed.

Madison and Andy are now officially married and in ritual space I stepped aside as her father and gave her hand in marriage to Andy Nguyen.  My daughter is no longer Madison Cutherell …. she is Madison Nguyen.  He has officially stepped into the role of her husband and her of his wife and even though I will always be her father, life has changed. 

I respect rituals and the unity of marriage is one of them.  Even though I am divorced, I left my marriage with the same respect and honor as I entered it.  My ex-wife Laura and I even decided to bless our girls with a gift at this wedding to show our respect for this ritual of marriage.  The wedding ring Laura had 30 small diamonds and since we are divorced and she is remarried, she obviously no longer wears the ring.  We made a decision to remove all the diamonds and make 3 sets of earrings from those diamonds….once set to Madison, one to Kelsey, and one to Laura.  We gave those earrings to them at the wedding with a blessing for this marriage.

This was a powerful evening for me and one of transformation.  Our family is changing and now not only do I have my American family, my French family, I now have my Vietnamese family…… not bad for an ol’ boy from Texas.   

It was all summed up with me at the end of the evening when one of my close friends pulled me aside and said “Do you realize how lucky you are?”  and I said “I do.”