Only Dead Fish Go With The Flow
My girlfriend asked me one day if she could read me a card that was given to her. The card said “Only dead fish go with the flow.” It was from the Great Cosmic Happy Ass Card Company. What a name…..I had never seen this card before. So here comes the punch line…… “Stan, this was from your mother.” My mother….??...... my conservative, turtle neck sweater wearin’ Republican Dallas socialite mother…no way…..can’t be. The card was for Marie-Pierre to let her know that being different is OK.
This has been with me all week. This has been my journey my whole life. I was different and never quite felt that I fit in anywhere. When I was a boy I wanted to be Bill or Bob or Jim not Stan. Who in the heck had a name like Stan…..or better yet Stanhope. I hung around with so many groups and felt like I fit in some with each group yet I could never find my posse…..my home….my community. So I adapted and learned to bridge who I was to where I wanted to be. Someone once told me that if I put all of my friends in one room, they would all look around wondering what they all had in common.
Fast forward to the first time I met Rolf Smith and did my Myers Briggs and KAI and realized that I was in a group of about 2% of the population. I WAS different….literally…..very different. When I left his office that day I cried because for the first time in my life I was validated that I WAS different and THAT was my gift. WOW…..what a concept.
Since that wonderful day 10 plus years ago, I have been on my journey to celebrate my uniqueness, my gifts, my different perspective, and my wonderful blessing to be able to relate to all these different people. So now these different people find their way into my life and we mourn and celebrate how it is to NOT go with the flow……to be different……and I realize that all along my teacher on how to be different was my Mom…..because she was so different, all she could do to deal with it was to conform….wow…..the lessons keep coming.
Stanhope Cutherell
5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
Stan,
I like the fact that you swim in the opposite direction. 'Cause when you do, you inspire me to make the same streches! Blessings to you bro, you are an awesome man.
Todd
Great post! I recently had a friend tell me "Thanks for being you!" This gave me pause to think. Somebody out there actually likes me for exactly who I am. Well if it can happen once, it can happen again, and again. So today I am reminded again, it is great to be myself. Love you bro!!
Wow! That is really powerful. We're all misfits aren't we? But somehow we misfits keep finding eachother. I love reading your blogs Stanhope!! And that is one COOL name by the way ~ how many guys get HOPE in their name?
Stan, that was really touching. I love how you love your Mum and how she's still right there beside you lovingly prompting the next insight. Stay with the difference!
Thanks, Stanhope, for standing out in the crowd in your life. I was raised to be different with conscious intent by my mother. She always taught us that we were the future of the planet and never let us give up, set a higher standard for us; always expected the best from us. For many years of my life, I resented those expectations and felt like a failure because I didn't think I would ever be good enough for her or anyone else.
Because we moved so much in my childhood, I didn't feel that I fit in with others who were already in relationship with other children. Being the "New Kid on the Block", can be very hard. I felt that I had somehow missed the "golden opportunity" of being there at that magical, mystical, illusive moment when "being accepted", began. , so I went into my cave and stayed for a long while. I would only commit so far in a relationship, then stop.
I'm 61 and now, after many years of seeking and soul searching, I too, realize that being different is a good thing. It truly is a gift. My mother gave me so many opportunities that most of the people I know never had. Those opportunities taught me how to last, stay, cope and survive all of life's challenges. Now, I celebrate my differences and realized that I'm okay just as I am. I know I have things I need to work on within myself, but I'm okay while I'm working on them.
Thank you for being brave enough to share yourself with all of us. What a wonderful gift to share.