As I cracked open the blinds to let in just enough light to read, my mother seemed to wake for just a second before she closed her eyes again and fell back asleep.  This was my time with my mother this week.  For years our time has looked a lot different than this and I am struggling to find our space again as she spends a lot of her time sleeping, as she is “turning the pages” to help her with this last stage of her life.  The days of interesting conversations, laughter, tears, discussions, opinions, and other mutually engaging activities have been replaced with silence.  As most of my friends will tell you, I am not always wonderful with silence…..as my girlfriend says “I am a talker.”

So for a while I told Mom all that was going on in my life and that only lasted for so long.  Then I cleaned up her room and made sure all the extra water containers, juice boxes, and plastic cups were thrown away only to find myself back at her bedside not exactly knowing what to do with myself.  Thanks to Marie-Pierre, I am learning to just sit next to her, hold her hand, and just be.  That is really uncomfortable for me.  Silence though is a strange teacher and if I can be quiet long enough to hear what is being offered to me, there is always alot of wisdom.  Today it came in the form of a book that I had brought, as I knew my conversations with Mom were very limited.  This book was a suggestion from my buddy Dogman and it is called The Music Lesson..A Spiritual Search for Growth Through Music by Victor L. Wooten.

After I had said some prayers and breathed for a while, I opened my book and the first words I read were “You’re at a special time in your Life, son. You might say that you’re ending one phrase and starting another. What direction you play this phrase in is completely up to you and don’t ever think that it’s not.  This is important! It’s time for you to take control of your Life and for you to accept that it’s you in control. You understand?”  WOW….I was speechless or silent some may say.  What a gift. It was as if Mom had found a new way to talk to me…..through the silence……I guess I came to visit her at a time when she was on the page that said LOVE STAN GENTLY…..I can’t wait to see what page she is on at my next visit……..silence, my teacher.